Ray Rice and How the Bible Speaks of Domestic Violence

Hey gang!

This morning, I was having a hard time deciding which topic I wanted to talk about. The two issues are both fairly significant to us on this 10th day of September. The one I won't go over much is today is National Suicide Prevention Day. I talked about this in a lot more detail about five years ago after a friend of mine committed suicide and I think a lot of that material is still active, meaningful and spot on about the subject. If you'd like to read that article, you can go to the article here.

So the other topic is one that is receiving a ton of thought because of the Ray Rice incident. For those of you that have been under a rock, or absolutely abhor everything that is the National Football League, Ray Rice abused his wife on the night before they were married. Maybe abused is a soft word here since he punched his wife unconscious, then dragged her out of the elevator of a casino without even checking to see if she was breathing.

The rest of the story is that the commissioner of the NFL suspended Rice two games for the offense. He was not charged, put in jail and/or served any prison time for the incident. However, many felt the suspension was a "slap on the wrist" to Rice. On Monday, internet video sensation TMZ released footage from the casino showing the incident in full form. By day's end, Rice was released by his team, the Baltimore Ravens, and suspended indefinitely by the NFL.

The change of heart by the NFL was that not only could they see what happened, the entire world that owns a television or computer could also see it. When the public saw the video, he was guilty by a jury of the nation, turning into a public relations nightmare for the NFL, commissioner Roger Goddell and for the Rice family.

I think all of us can agree that domestic violence is bad, but I was actually stunned a little when I heard a couple of my Christian friends yesterday discussing the fact that God really doesn't say anything about domestic violence in the Word.

Before I do that, let's define and throw out a few statistics on domestic violence. These are all from the Safe Horizon website.

Domestic violence definition:
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and/or control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Domestic violence can include physical, emotional, psychological, economic or social abuse. Abusers use threats, intimidation, isolation and other behaviors to gain and maintain power over their victims.

I do want to make a point clear here. This isn't just physically beating someone up, what most people think is the normal word for domestic violence. There is a verbal abuse as well. Some use tone of voice and their words to abuse people.

• 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
• Women experience more than 4,000,000 physical assaults and rapes because of their partners. 
• Men are the victims of 3,000,000 physical assaults.
• Children who live in homes of domestic violence also suffer neglect or abuse at higher rates (30% to 60%)
• According to the US Department of Housing and Urban Development, domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families.
• Domestic violence costs more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work, medical and mental health treatment, and lost productivity at companies.

I found all six of those statistics horrifying. I have three daughters and the idea that even one of them could be abused makes me ill. The idea that my son could also be abused by his spouse equally so.

The idea that the pattern is likely to continue into the next generation is not nearly as shocking when you place this Bible verse next to it: Exodus 34:6-7, "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, wickedness and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."

Think about that. God is so displeased with our sin that He can punish the future generations because of a man's sin. If you are letting your children witness abuse, there is a strong likelihood of it continuing on. That shouldn't surprise any of us. If the younger generation sees us sin as if it is OK, then they are likely to keep it in mind to do it also.

The idea that abuse leads to homelessness is outright scary. I know this stat probably doesn't apply to Rice and his wife, but how many times do you think that "normal, everyday families" that have domestic violence in their homes leads to homelessness? People finally get tired of being treated that way and the only place they have is the street.

Finally, $37 billion spent because of domestic violence is something that should make us sick. Just the manpower to keep domestic violence in check is staggering. The sad truth is that it isn't in check. Domestic violence continues and will continue to happen until Jesus comes back.

So, let's talk a little about what the Bible says considering domestic violence. Some of these verses may talk more in general sin, but they apply here.

Psalm 11:5, "The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence." David goes on in verse 6 to share that God will rain fiery coals, sulfur and a scorching win to the wicked. God wants us to act right. Things happen in our lives and not all of them are good. In these times, we should not turn to violence to correct a matter, whether that be a spouse or anyone else.

2 Timothy 3:1-5, "But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God--having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them."  I don't see it is as a stretch when you take all of that into context that we are likely in the last days, but let's be totally honest here in saying that all of these sins have always existed. They just may be worse now than any other time in history. I will also say that some of the other evil listed here may cause abuse, not just that someone is abusive. There are no excuses though. Finally, when talking about having nothing to do with people like this, let's remember this is concerning the unrepentant hearts. If someone repents and stops doing these things, that we need to walk with these brothers and sisters to help them stay on the holy path.

Romans 12:17-18, "Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends upon you, live at peace with everyone." This is a tough verse for everyone. I have rights to be mad, angry, etc. However, it does not give you a right to abuse people, period. I'm not saying to act as if nothing happened, if you think you are provoked. What I am saying is that there are more responsible actions, such as walking out of the room, voicing concerns rather than being accusatory and forgiving offenses that are minor.

1 Corinthians 3:16-17, "Don't you know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, He will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple." This is a great pair of verses for people who have been abused. Understand that you belong to God. God doesn't take kindly to having what is His being hurt in any way, shape or form.

James 1:19-20, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." This is the most common sense of all the verses to this point. However, most people don't think. They react rather than think about what is being said. If we as a people thought more before we reacted, most of any kind of violence would eliminate itself.

Last one, Galatians 5:21-30, "Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives, as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body."

Since that was a long set, I moved to another paragraph to talk about it. The bottom line is if we treated each other as God intended us to, a lot of the problems of violence would go away. If husbands treated their wives the way they treat themselves, wives would be more inclined to listen to what they had to say, even if it wasn't pleasant. So men, think about how you want to be treated and do accordingly.

Wives, I am not asking you to submit. Submit is a dirty word to many women in the church. Submit means to them to be less than a man. That is not how God wants you to be. God does want you to listen to them, realizing if they are striving to live as Christ loved the church, that they are loving you that way. I heard some finger-pointing, "but Frank, my man don't treat me like he loves Jesus." My response is yes, that is true sometimes. I won't counter with "maybe you ought to have thought about that before you married him" because many men do the same thing. They marry women they are unequally yoked with. However, your job is to listen to him, help him "make sense" on your own and encourage him to talk to other Godly men that will see it God's way, not necessarily your way.

Finally, I would not be doing my full duty as a teacher of God's Word and Way if I remained naive and thinking that domestic abuse will stop because I ask nicely for it to do so. If you need help, I give a few pieces of advice. First, talk to someone. Find a friend that will offer Godly wisdom and talk over the situation. Gain understanding on how to deal with strife in the home before it becomes domestic violence. Second, find a good church that teaches God's Word and has people that are "walking with Jesus" rather than just showing up to look religious. Finally, if you need help, call the local authorities or call the National Hot Line for Domestic Abuse at 1-800-621-HOPE (4673). I don't have all of the solutions, but I do care enough that I don't want anyone to suffer from abuse.

My final piece of advice is to keep seeking God during this time. You may feel God has abandoned you, but He has not. He will never leave you or forsake you. Keep praying for help as well. Allow God to help make your spouse into the best person they can be, one that lives for Him, loving you in His ways.

I love you guys!
Frank